he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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