We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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