I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
