i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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