For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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