Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
