He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
