tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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