I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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