Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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