To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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