So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
