I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
