Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
