i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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