He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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