he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
