Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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