Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize