so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
