It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
