ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
