I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
