I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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