we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
