I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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