This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's the barista slut.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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