He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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