Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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