So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
