2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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