i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
