Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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