Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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