Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
