No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize