you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
