I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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