I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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