we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
