my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize