I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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