this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
