In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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