Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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