Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
