I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
