That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we're so committed to being not committed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
