I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize