Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
