I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize