Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize