omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
