6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
