That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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