it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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