It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
