I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
